Thursday, June 11, 2009

Ann Widdecombe for Speaker!

After Margaret Beckett, now we have Ann Widdecombe vying for the position of Speaker. What the hell is going on? What happened to the real politicians? Are they all on holiday? Or simply too busy counting their ill-gotten gains in their publicly funded offices?

No doubt Widdecombe is serious about her bid for Speaker - in the same way that I suspect she is tediously earnest about everything that she does. But just a couple of problems with her bid. First of all, she isn't really famous for anything of real value. She is known for dissing Michael Howard, and for being asked whether she has ever enjoyed any nookie by Louis Theroux. She has been made a media darling by those who seem to want to patronise her a bit. She seems to be a self-styled battle-axe with little to offer in terms of a legacy or achievements. Plus, she's standing down at the next election, so whatever reforms she plans to introduce will have to be implemented pretty much as immediately after any election. 

Still, let's not worry about those details. According to the candidate herself she is the favourite with the public. In an election where the public don't vote. Christ give me strength!

If this really is the best of the candidates for the job of Speaker, then we should just board up the House of Commons and give the fuck up. More than ever the role of Speaker is crucial to the running of democratic government in this country, and as such requires something a little better than joke candidates and/or those coasting towards retirement. 

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At 2:24 pm , Blogger Costello said...

"we should just board up the House of Commons and give the fuck up. "

A conclusion i reached some time ago. It really is hard to see any potential developments that aren't deeply depressing.

At 10:34 pm , Blogger Bill Quango MP said...

Very good point. She has never had any support and is often way off base with the public on issues.
We need some rules for choosing speakers.
1} Anyone whose haircut is worse than Bill Gates is out.
2} Anyone who owns a caravan is out
3} Anyone who's expense claims were in the top 2/3 of all MPs claims.
4} Anyone about to stand down or retire.
5} Anyone who voted to keep the FOI act from applying to MPs expenses is excluded.
6} Anyone who has already been kicked out of another job. eg Ming,Howard,Hain etc.
7} Anyone who owns a moat is out.
8} Any MP who cannot explain what FSA and PFI mean is out.
9}Anyone who cannot tell the difference between a question and a statement is shown the door.
10} Caroline Flint. On the premise that she is utterly shit at everything

That should leave about 15 to choose from. Time for the TV rounds. Which needs to be done at an interview led by a panel consisting of; The sergeant at arms, duke of Edinburgh, Paxman, Clarkson, Joanna Lumley, Deborah Meeden and Stephen Fry.

then the final 5 have to undertake making an omelette with Gordon Ramsey.

Ant and Dec and a text vote to choose the winner.

Or just pick Frank Field.

At 11:37 am , Blogger The Nameless Libertarian said...

Unfortunately Frank Field is an enemy of Gordon Brown. Now, in a just world, that alone would be enough to make him Speakers. Sadly, in this political reality, it will probably be enough to kill his chances.


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